Happy Christmas

Dare to dream.

Have a great 2012.

A Winter's Tale Dublin Style

Terence Smitherton Hayes had fallen out of his favorite wine bar on New Year's eve onto the streets of Dublin.

Depressed, he staggered down Grafton street, finding that his life no longer had any meaning.

He stood half way between the Northside and Southside of Dublin and climbed up onto the O'Connell bridge wall that had stood there for over one hundred years.

Penelope had dumped Terence for his best friend Roger and he was inconsolable.  In these tough times, Terence still drove a BMW X5 and Terence secretly believed this was why Penelope dumped him.

"Goodbye cruel world!" shouted Terence, in his best West British accent.

Some young Northside teenager passed by.  "Jump you wanker!" said one of the teenagers.

They laughed but were pushed away by a middle aged man and they disappeared into the gathering fog.

"Bud, I wouldn't do that if I were you," said the man.

"I don't want to live!" protested Terence.

The middle aged man pulled out a cigarette and lit up. It only seemed to be him and Terence now.

Fog covered everything else.

"Well then hurry up Bud, I haven't all night," said the man.  He dragged hard on his cigarette.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me bud, hurry up.  I'm bleedin' freezing and I want to get home."

"That's no way to talk to me!" shouted Terence.  "I'm upset can't you see!"

"Yeah, and I'm cold Terence and I want to go home."

"How did you know my name?"

"It's in the book bud."  He pulled out a book.  "We can't afford no Kindle bud, cut-backs.  Says here, Terence - that's you by the way - will throw himself into the river Liffey coz he got dumped by his girlfriend.  Boo hoo."

"I don't understand," said Terence.

"I'm an Angel bud."

"You?! - you're an angel!!"

"What's that supposed to mean?  Me!! - an angel?"

"You look rough for an Angel.  What's your name?"

"My name's Paddy the Angel.  You got a problem with that bud?  Thing is if you'd chosen to jump from two pillars back, Gabriel or Gaye as well all call him would have had to turn up.  But you're on my Northside turf now Bud, so what's it to be, jump or no jump?"  Paddy the angel looked at his watch.  "Times marching on."

"Aren't you going to tell me how important I am and how I made such a difference and that I need to stay?"

"Sorry bud, no time, cut backs."

"What do you mean cut backs?  I demand to see my important bits so I can make up my mind!"

"No can do bud."

"I demand to speak to your superior!  I want to make a complaint!!" protested Terence.

"Watch out for the ice," said Paddy.

"What ice?" asked Terence.  Suddenly, he felt himself slip and he was hanging onto the edge of the bridge by his fingers.

"You put that ice there didn't you!  You caused me to slip!  I don't want to jump now!!"

"Sorry bud, decision's been made, you're going into the Liffey.  You had a nice life but it's over now!"

"No please stop!!!  I'll live a good life.  I'll...."

Paddy the angel took out a small silver hammer and tapped Terence's hands until his fingers let go of the bridge.

"Sorry bud, cut backs," said Paddy and he winked at Terence.

Terence screamed out and hit the cold water, going under.

When he came up, there was a life saver there which he grabbed onto.  A person pulled on the attached rope and pulled him to safety.

In the distance, on the top of O'Connell bridge, the figure of Paddy the Angel disappeared and the fog lifted.

Terence was pulled to safety and sat on the steps.

"Didn't you see him?" demanded Terence, shaking with the cold.  "That angel tried to kill me!"

"Don't mind him," said the elderly man, smiling gently.  "His bark is worse than his bite.  Oh and by the way, my name's Gabriel."

Internal Affairs

Jack took his car home after seeing Mel his mistress.  She kissed him good night and he drove home through the forest.

His cell phone rang.  His wife rang wondering where he was and what was taking so long.  "No, no baby.  I'm on my way home," said Jack smoothly.  "The game of poker with the guys ran over, that's all."

He clicked off and smoked some more in the car to mask Mel's smell.

Ahead of him he saw what looked like a bright star in the sky.

Suddenly, his car stalled, losing power.

"Goddammit," said Jack.  He blinked and then his body froze.

On board the Reticulun research vessel, Jack lay out stretched.  Two Ret officers had been assigned to pick a research candidate and draw up a report.

"Engage the probe," said Wulfd.

Zessan nodded and pressed a button.

However the probe did not work.

"Engage the probe!" shouted Wulfd in Zessan's mind.

"The probe is not functioning."

"You were assigned the task of testing it before our mission."  Wulfd pointed accusingly.

"It was your task.  I do not report into you."  Zessan stood up to him.

"I am from the Maja Caverns.  Do not address me like that you low ranking pond scum!!"  Wulfd threw the tester at Zessan.  "Test!!"

However Zessan threw it back at Wulfd.  "YOU TEST!"

They moved close to each other.  "You are the dropping of your fathers eggs!" said Zessan.

Wulfd pulled his weapon.  "Withdraw your insult or I will send you back as egg spawn."

"They told me you were unstable.  Reject!" shouted Zessan.  He grabbed Wulfd's arm but a shot was unleashed which struck the control cable inside the craft and it began to spin crazily out of control towards the ground.

A bright explosive flash lit up the forest.

When Jack finally opened his eyes he screamed out.  Military men in environment suit were examining him.  He looked to his left and then his right at the two dead aliens.  He was unable to move.

"Who do you work for?" shouted the military officer in the uniform.  "Why were you sent to Earth!  What was your mission?  Are you planning to invade the Earth!?"

"I'm Jack.  I come from Hudson," said Jack feebly.  "Can someone please get me some pants?"

Wishful Thinking

Matt, Ed and Katherine traversed downwards into the caves under the Arabian desert on guide lines.

"So this is finally it," said Ed.

"And you doubted us!" replied Katherine.  She kissed her long time boy friend Matt but he pulled away distractedly, looking at the map.  "The old man in the market place with one eye wasn't lying to us.  I told you!"

"This way," said Matt.

"Yes Indy," joked Ed.

Katherine chuckled.

They went around the lake and then Matt lit the torch and the cavern lit up with light.

They all gasped.

There was a mountain of gold coins and at the top of the mountain was a green bottle, resting on a velvet cushion.

Eagerly they climbed.

Matt grabbed the bottle which was inscribed with Arabic letters.

"What does it say?" asked Matt.

He gave it to Katherine.

"To the holder of this bottle I grant one wish."

She looked under the bottom of the bottle where there was some other writing, decoding it.

"Mostly that's it.  You have to rub it."

Matt did so and the Genie appeared.

"Please tell me your wish, my master."

Matt thought about it for a minute.  "I've been thinking about this since we bought this map, so here it is.  I want to be the world's best judge of character."

"Your wish is my command," replied the Genie.

Matt then looked at Ed and Katherine.  The smile on his face was replaced with one of shock.

"Oh no," said Matt.

"What?" asked Ed.

"You're my best friend and you're secretly in love with me.  Why didn't you tell me you were gay Ed?"

Ed burst into tears.  "I couldn't tell you.  I wanted to be close to you.  Please forgive me!!!"

Matt then looked at Katherine.  "And you've been secretly in love with Ed all along.  That was the only reason you went out with me.  You always thought he was a better dresser than me and you made out with him right before we went on this trip but he said a friend wouldn't do that!  Katherine how could you!!!"

"But I fell in love with you later.  I was just infatuated with Ed."  She shrugged.

Matt just let out a cry, gave the bottle to Ed and ran off into the darkness.

Ed rubbed the bottle.  "No need to rub it again.  Just tell me your wish," said the genie slightly impatiently.

"I want to be the richest man in the world!" demanded Ed.

"Your bank account now has a billion trillion dollars!"  The Genie snapped his fingers.

"Yesssss!" shouted Ed.  "But first I've gotta find Matt"

He climbed down the mound of gold.

"Matt we're rich!!" shouted Ed.  "And I looooooove you!"

Katherine was left holding the bottle.

"And your wish?"

"Tell me what my future holds," she wiped a tear out of her eye.

"You and I will become great lovers.  The world will celebrate our love which will be greater than that of Cleopatra and Julius Ceasar."

"Really?" said Katherine.

The genie nodded and reached out his hand.

"I read all the writing on this bottle," explained Katherine.  "I'm not just some blond bimbo you know.  I can decipher ancient languages.  You want to know what word is on the bottom of this bottle?"

"Pray tell beautiful woman," said the genie.

"It says - fragile."

Katherine dropped the bottle on the ground and it smashed.  The genie cried out and disappeared in a flash, leaving only smoke.

All the gold in the cavern disappeared and was replaced by the bones of all the people who had made wishes in the cavern and later died there.

"You don't get out much do you?" she said  as the remains of the genie finally disappeared.  She climbed down the mound of bones.

"Guys! Wait up!" shouted Katherine.